Now you hear me

How a fear of being perceived stopped me from getting published, and why you shouldn't let it hold you back

Hi all, and welcome back to rumblewrites. This week’s post is about taking the plunge into publishing. As an introvert, and someone who suffers with self-doubt, it took me a long time to overcome the fear of being seen, and being judged, for my writing. By sharing what I’ve learnt, I hope to inspire you to get your voice heard, and not let a lack of confidence hold you back.

If you’re looking for places to submit your writing, I share a monthly list of opportunities right here on my Substack. You can access the list for June here, and get future ones straight into your inbox by subscribing:

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Wer sich aber zum Wurm macht, kann nachher nicht klagen, wenn er mit Füssen getreten wird.

- Immanuel Kant, Metaphysik der Sitten (1870), p.282

‘One who makes himself a worm cannot complain afterwards if people step on him’.

Without getting too wrapped up in the semantics of existentialism, I’d like to start with this quote from Kant. Not because I believe we can write our own destinies, but because the power of positive self-talk is massively underestimated. It has not only been proven to have a positive impact on our mental health, but it can also empower us to stand up for ourselves and take the first step towards achieving our dreams.

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Hiding in the shadows

During one my mindless scrolling sessions on TikTok, I came across a guy called Julien Blanc, a motivational speaker who travels the world to give self-help talks. In one of his videos, he challenges a random member of the audience to scream as loud as they can. They give some feeble attempt, and he diagnoses them with social anxiety.

Now, I don’t think this is right. While I agree with his overall message that we shouldn’t let fear hold us back, I also don’t think that refusing to scream is an indicator of anxiety. Nor is it something we would all be doing if we were free from fear. Julien clearly doesn’t have any qualifications in psychology or even a basic understanding of anxiety disorders, otherwise he wouldn’t be doing this. Also, as it turns out, he’s just not a great guy: see his previous run of seminars for ‘alpha males’, in which he taught them how to seduce women through sexual assault and emotional manipulation. Then see him doubling down on social media by posting photos of him fake-choking women.. yeh.

Anyway, my point is that there’s a difference between feeling uncomfortable at the idea of something you don’t want to do, versus something you do. As an introvert, it can be hard to differentiate between the two, not least because extroverts have been telling us our whole lives that we must want to do the things that they find fun, freeing, or good. And if we don’t, well, there’s something wrong with us. They just want to bring us out of our shells or, when that fails, shame us into behaving: through peer pressure, name-calling, shaming or simply avoiding us. In all cases, the onus is on us to act differently, to let go and be free. But that freedom is defined by people who are wholly different to us.

Understanding what you want, versus what society wants from you, takes a bit of soul searching. As a writer, there’s a lot of pressure to get your work published, or to write a book instead of sticking to short stories or poetry, but you don’t have to do either. If you get the sense that your fear is stemming from a place of obligation, you probably don’t want this. But, if you’re anything like me and have thought the following:

Look at all these other writers with loads of publications and competition wins. I’ll never be like them.

Look at this guy with hundreds of followers. I wish that many people would care about my writing.

You probably want it. You’ve just been too scared to take the plunge.

Screenshot from my MBTI test which “proves” that I am, in fact, a complete introvert.

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Taking the plunge

Now that you know where your fear is stemming from, what can you do about it?

Firstly, address the hyprocrisy of your anxieties.

Why does my voice matter more than anyone else’s?

What if I’m being annoying?

What if no-one likes my writing?

What if someone from my real life sees this?

What if I fail?

Fear, embarrassment, insecurity, all leading to you not trying at all. Like Kant said, you shouldn’t be surprised at your lack of publications or recognition if you’ve turned down every opportunity that could have helped you achieve those things.

It’s hard, because there’s something so intimate about writing, about sharing a part of ourselves that we, as introverts, naturally want to keep hidden. Publishing is full of rejection, and it’s almost impossible not to take this personally when you’ve put so much of yourself into your writing. But the fact is, not everyone gets published. Not everyone writes a book, finds an agent, gets a deal, or winds up on the Amazon bestseller list. And that’s ok. Writing is about having fun, and if you want to share your work, that should be the goal. Whether through self-publishing, blogging, indie or traditional publishing, you need to be prepared for failure, but with the knowledge that the only way it’s guaranteed is if you never try at all.

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Getting comfortable

Edward Western, ‘Nude’ (1936)

It’s an unfortunate reality that we live in a world designed for extroverts, where networking, marketing yourself, and generally being a “nice, bubbly person” are things we need to do in order to be liked, or to find success. There has to be a level of acceptance here: these things are out of your control, and won’t necessarily get easier with practice because they are fundamentally against our introverted natures.

But to make this a little easier, here are some tips, based on my experience in the publishing world so far:

• Learn who you are, and stick to it. If you don’t want to join social media or interact with other writers, you don’t have to. If you want to post your stories online without worrying about wait times or rejections, do it. Make a website. Don’t give into peer pressure.

• Take baby steps. Remember: you’re in control of what you share. If you don’t want to write intimately, or give out any personal details, stick to genres you’re comfortable with and write under a pseudonym.

• Learn your limits. Most of us write and publish as a hobby, so don’t force yourself to do more than you’re able to. If that’s only an hour a month, so be it.

• Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Rejection, self-promotion, responding to comments and DMs.. it’s all overwhelming and you’re not alone in feeling a little out of your depth. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be here - all of us are uncomfortable, we’re just used to it now!

• Believe in yourself more than you believe in the fear. The biggest worry I had about writing was putting myself on show, when I didn’t know whether I knew or even liked that person. But I’ve learnt that it doesn’t matter - who cares if I or anyone else likes me? I deserve a voice - everyone does.

• Have fun. The numbers, the growth, the likes, the social media following, the rejections.. it can all have an impact on your mental health. Take time off, relax, don’t spend all your time working.

• Keep things in perspective. Of course you’re not going to be an overnight success. Nor are you going to have as many likes or comments as the person who’s been at this for a year. If your market is niche, if you aren’t a social media or SEO whizz, if you don’t want to interact with many people, it’ll be harder. If you do all the “right” things but the algorithm isn’t on your side, it’ll be harder. Just go with the flow. Numbers don’t reflect the quality of you or your writing.

• Don’t wait, don’t second guess, just do it. There will always be a reason not to.

We may not have the power to “manifest” the perfect life, but by changing the way we think about ourselves, we are free to act in a way that suits us, not other people. There’s a saying in the literary world: don’t self-reject. It’s a fact of life that some people won’t like your work, but don’t decide that for them.

At the end of the day, writing is what I love, so fuck anyone who tries to stop me. Including myself.

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